I won't lie. I love luxury. I don't exactly hate money or my possessions. I live on an estate and drive a very expensive car. My wardrobe is the envy of most.
I have lived my life in that manner for a very long time. My idea of charity was walking down a runway in custom clothes in a million dollars worth of jewels (borrowed of course). Write a check; attend a party....on and on.
For the last year I have disappeared completely from that scene. I made an appearance at a store opening a few months ago...I went to a famous person's funeral....but truly, I haven't spent much time in the limelight. After a few years of having to wear something different and fabulous every time you go out gets REALLY, REALLY tiring. I started my own charity which was overwhelming and I finally gave it up. I have worked in public relations, National Sales Management, advertising and marketing for so long it numbs me. My dear husband Gary says I have always had a golden touch if I wanted something.
Something was missing. I couldn't figure it out. Why was there a hole in my heart? What was I doing wrong?
Frankly, I was being FAKE. Air kisses to all, stopping for the fashion press, allowing my home and possessions to be photographed along of course with my face. I didn't realize it for ages, but I was getting nothing but a hollow, shallow feeling.
With some introspection, I discovered that I was actually far deeper than I thought. I always knew I was intelligent, but I wasn't sure if I cared about much other than me, my husband..a few friends and a tiny smattering of relatives. Other than that, I only cared if I could acquire something new that had a Faberge' label.
How quickly all that can change. Volunteering at our local AIDS FOOD PANTRY has been the most amazing experience...perhaps in my life. I have to work REALLY hard...stocking shelves...helping clients...the works. I have met so many wonderful and brave people. When I grocery shop now I am embarrassed and try to cut down on things....I have never bought so many generic labels in my life (by the way...it is the truth...they taste the same as the brand names). Each of the Pantry's clients have touched me so deeply. I love my volunteer life there...even if when I come home I am completely exhausted and my feet hurt. The client's don't know or care "who I am". I'm just Will...the guy who helps them out. I'm the guy that helps the guy in the wheelchair shop. I'm the guy that got to work with two very young HIV Positive lovers today that have lost everything due to the economy. They felt a bit of shame having to come to the pantry...but..with my help and explaining that the more people come the more food and money we get; they quickly got over it. When they were "checking out" with me, I asked, "Will this help?" One of them responded, "We haven't had food in over a week." Talk about shattering your heart....or in my case finding it.
Also, a new thing has happened to me. I have gathered a bit of compassion in my soul. I've always been a limousine liberal. I believe in helping people and hate how "conservatives" lie and lie and lie. They only care about big business and themselves. However, without this experience at the Pantry I doubt my heart would have grown much.
In addition, somewhere along the way I have learned to actually LISTEN.
Two different people have been "chatting with me" online about "coming out" as gay men.
One quite young, the other a bit older. The younger one did it...he told his family and thankfully it worked out. His emails to me were so excited and happy and I was so honored that he used me as a sounding board and got the courage. He is a dear guy and I am so proud of him.
The other is just starting the process. So much will change for him. Most likely he will lose his job; however I believe that when he does it even better things will come for him!!! I'm glad he feels comfortable talking with me about this.
LET ME TELL YOU FOLKS...I wouldn't trade being gay for anything. Not only have I been happily together with the same man for 17 years, but I have been honored and showered with community awards for just being who I am (a bit ridiculous but at the same time shows that being gay is not a bad thing...it can be a badge of honor).
For my friend that is just starting the process of coming out....I am VERY proud of you and know this will be the greatest thing that will ever happen to you!
To my readers, visitors and fans......keep my friend in your thoughts...and if you are so inclined your prayers. His journey will be difficult, but his reward will be infinite.Yours, Bratprince
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