FIRE AND ICE: I talked with three friends before I decided to post this; but here goes. I hope my readers understand that this essay is devoted to being educational and something of value.

FIRE AND ICE, by Bratrprince

I was very impressed yesterday when Catherine Zeta-Jones allowed her rep. to announce that she was being treated for her Bipolar Disorder. She has type two, which means she probably will not need a lengthy stay within a psychiatric facility. Type two is by far the easier (Type One and Type Two) to manage. Her rep. could have used the common excuse that Zeta-Jones was suffering from exhaustion and needed a little break. By using her celebrity to open a dialogue about mental illness is an amazingly brave thing to do! Zeta-Jones will be viewed as a hero within the mental illness advocacy groups.

As I admitted at the end of the post about her yesterday, I have Type One Bipolar Disorder. As I said, I still wish the disease was called manic depression. Bipolar makes it sound like you live part of the year at the North Pole and part of the year in Antarctica. I have debated a VERY long time as to whether I was EVER going to bring this up on the BLOG. Mental illness still has a huge stigma attached. People don’t understand it and don’t want to get too close. It’s time for my readers to have a bit more insight!

I feel it the perfect time to mention my own struggles. Mental illness programs are being cut both nationally and at a state level by drastic amounts due to the economy. The results are going to be literally disastrous and cost us as a nation so much more than if we actually treated those with mental conditions when they first appear. Over half the people in prison have some sort of mental disorder. Had they been treated early enough they probably wouldn’t be where they are now. However, low income programs are hardly available anymore. The mentally ill have nowhere to go if they don’t have the finances to get there. County hospitals offer only the most minimal of care. In order to properly treat a mental illness you need a skilled psychiatrist, a competent therapist, medication (usually) and often a twelve step program due to the preponderance of those afflicted turning to either alcohol or drugs (sometimes both) to self-medicate and try to control the disease on their own. Worst yet, those with a mental illness can live a normal and fine life and then suddenly spin out of control and lose everything. Mental illness affects all socio-economic groups. It hits the poorest in the nation the hardest, but can literally destroy the finances of those who are a bit better off. I have seen so many people go from well off to literally almost living on the streets because they could not afford the ongoing and continual psychiatric care they needed. TRUST me…it’s expensive. In my case, neither my psychiatrist or my therapist take medical insurance (many don’t because insurance companies are very slow to pay for mental health reasons…not to mention…they only pay a percentage…a small one). My medications cost well over $150 per month. Let’s add up my monthly costs to manage my illness shall we? First, my regular health insurance costs $410.37 per month. My psychiatrist is $100 per month. My therapist is $100 every two weeks. So, with the medications, I pay $860.37 EVERY single month…over $10,300 per year. Obviously, those without resources do not have the ability to handle such a financial burden.

Before telling you a little of my story, allow me to let you see a description of BIPOLAR ONE and its symptoms (taken from a medical website).

Bipolar I Disorder is also known as Bipolar 1 or Bipolar Type 1. According to the definition outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), Bipolar I Disorder, considered the most severe form of this mental illness, is "characterized by one or more Manic or Mixed Episodes, usually accompanied by Major Depressive Episodes."

In a major manic episode of Bipolar I Disorder the patient may become delusional and even suffer from hallucinations, which are symptoms of psychosis. If this occurs, the condition is called bipolar I with psychotic features. Only bipolar I disorder, by definition, can include such psychotic features. Bipolar I can seriously impair day-to-day functioning. Other symptoms of a manic episode include:

• Grandiosity

• Decreased need for sleep

• Pressured speech

• Racing thoughts

• Distractibility

• Tendency to engage in behavior that could have serious consequences, such as spending recklessly or inappropriate sexual encounters

• Excess energy

Symptoms and characteristics of major depression in Bipolar I Disorder include:

• Decreased energy

• Severe withdrawal from normal activities

• Weight loss or gain

• Despair

• Irritability

• Uncontrollable crying

• Thoughts of or attempts at suicide

Sounds like a barrel of fun doesn’t it?? I have probably been Bipolar my entire life. Looking back in hindsight now, I can see the signs in my early childhood. Yet, the onset of severe Bipolar Disorder hit me especially hard during college. My mood swings went wild. I would go from Superman (doing everything…and doing it well…to barely being able to get out of bed in the morning for days).

The reason I called this essay FIRE and ICE is because that is what Bipolar (especially type one) feels like.

I’ve always viewed my affliction as both a gift and a curse. When you are manic (the fire) you truly believe you can do anything. Often you can…and you do it better than anyone else. During manic phases I have started successful businesses, written a novel, served on boards, raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for charity, etc. I have also bought 21 pairs of shoes in the same day (thank God Gary took them back), not slept for weeks at a time, heard voices, seen images that did not exist (I crashed one of my cars because I thought someone was standing in the driveway…of course nobody was there). I have watched plants crawl up my wall in seconds (not real) and for months I heard 1940’s radio all over the house…regardless of the fact that it was not the 1940’s and the radio was not on anyway. I could go on and on regarding my experiences.

During my depressed phases (ice) I have literally found myself sleeping for 16 hours per day (for weeks on end), unable to do even the most basic chores, unable to work… Bipolar has caused me to lose three jobs (so far)…and worst of all, I have struggled with alcohol problems and been admitted to three different psych. wards. I hesitate to tell this part, but there have also been a number of suicide attempts…two of them technically successful in the sense that I actually died and had to be resuscitated.

I am most fortunate in a very special way. My husband of almost twenty years understands and is most helpful during my “episodes”. He is the one that has committed me three times. He watches my medications carefully and when I am at my most depressed he takes all medications away and administers them himself insuring that I don’t take too many in a desperate attempt to escape the affliction (Bipolars have an almost 65-70% suicide rate). Still, this has been a great burden to him. On occasions it weighs on him quite heavily as he has to completely take over everything…or he has to deal with me manic, grandiose and bossy beyond belief as I see things through a skewed perception and try to take over the world. In addition, I have a very special woman in my life named Carol who has both a Bipolar husband and a very severe Bipolar One son. She is a great sounding board for me and always is available to listen. She has become a champion for mental health and almost a second mother to me.

Bipolar Disorder or Manic Depression is ABSOLUTELY no different from any other kind of disease. It’s like cancer or heart disease. It is NOT the fault of the person who has the affliction. We didn’t ask for it, we didn’t want it but we have it. The sad and only difference is that you have a chance to be cured of those other diseases. Bipolar is a lifelong condition. It does not go away. There is no cure.

Fortunately, my medications are very helpful and manage to keep me at a “maintained level”. Things are not perfect, but I am usually under control and productive.

As I said this was a difficult decision regarding writing this essay, however I feel that we simply MUST start talking about mental illness…the same way we talk about any other disease. We have walks for breast cancer, but can barely mention someone that suffers from a mental illness.

It’s time to bring this to the forefront of our conversations. It’s time to tell our governments that this is not something to be ignored. It’s time for people like me to admit that I suffer from it and yet still can produce a blog you enjoy and can struggle for a productive and happy life.

For more information on mental illness and awareness, please visit the National Alliance On Mental Illness at their website www.nami.org.

I have given you my dear readers an insight on what mental illness is like. PLEASE, don’t feel sorry for me in any way. Everyone on Earth has something going on with them…this just happens to be my special burden.

Yours, Bratprince