As I gaze back on my life, I truly mourn some of the many friends I have lost. Some have died, some have moved and some ended because we just didn't fit anymore. The "just didn't fit anymore" category has always been the hardest for me to accept, but I have learned. Some friendships just end...either by slowly dying on the vine or by conflict. I've lost friends in both of those categories. I can't help but think of my wonderful friends T.B. (who once wrote for this blog), JC. L., and M.V. Through fault of my own they slipped out of my life but NEVER out of my heart. Through them, I learned that apologies can be accepted but often times everything cannot be completely mended and you must move on. It doesn't mean you stop loving them.
My mother dying was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. She truly was my best friend and I adored her. She died over 18 years ago and I still miss her. When she went, my Dad went with her in spirit. Although still alive, I haven't spoken to him in years....however, rather than bitterness about the whole thing I am slowly (still not perfect on this one) am embracing all the good things I remember about our relationship and trying to let go the painful part.
Today at four p.m. Dallas time I realized I was about to lose yet another friend. I have never met her. I probably never will meet her. Yet, looking back on 25 years I realize that she has been my friend...and a good one. I'm talking about Oprah Winfrey.
She appears often on the BLOG. Most of the time I cover her in a highly favorable light, but I have disagreed with her at times (all friends do) and avidly skipped her episodes when she presented the next best bra.
I can remember a time not that many years ago when I was overwhelmed by my own mental illness (Bipolar I) and at one of those awkward "unemployed" stages. I was completely depressed and miserable. I hated living off of my husband's income and basically spent my day on the sofa watching television. I simply couldn't move!
Perhaps it was a good year for the Oprah Winfrey show....or perhaps I was actually listening, but after 20 or so shows of her instructing me "to live my best life", I got off the sofa.....had my meds. adjusted and WALKED. I walked and walked. I had gained about 50lbs over my ideal weight by staying so long on the sofa and sleeping till noon. Walking quickly started to melt off the pounds and at the same time I learned to meditate as I walked. I thought about "my best life" over and over. That mantra..."best life" kept me walking.
Before I knew it, I was the size I wanted to be and the person I thought I SHOULD be. I felt much better. Her show was better than therapy. I watched champions, survivors and those that had seemed to lose hope. Oprah for me was a God send.
As we all know, after 25 years she is moving on to handle her own network; perhaps go for her dream of being on Broadway, etc. 25 years is a long time to do anything; but she has excelled at her profession and made a difference in millions and millions of lives. My admiration for her regarding tackling gay issues, abuse, health etc. is beyond reproach. I think she is a healer, a teacher and regardless of her billions of dollars...still simply one of us.
I broke my knee some time ago....and as a result have not WALKED and WALKED as I used to do. It took some time to heal. However, I have used this as an excuse for too long. I have gained weight again....I have been lazy.....but.....today I am going to remember the "best life" mantra once again.
I am about to go out for a walk...a long one. Wave at me....or anyone you see out there possibly meditating on their own best life and taking care.
Oprah....I will miss you dearly. Whatever will my Tivo do at 4 p.m.?
Regardless....even though we do not know each other....thanks for being a friend and mentor all these years. Now....go make your best life even better girlfriend!
Yours, Bratprince
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