Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Dang It! I'm Stuck, By Bratprince
I like to think of myself as at least moderately clever and a good gift giver. However, I find myself stuck now. Gary's birthday is just a few weeks away and I have NO idea what to give him.
For the last number of years now, Gary and I have given each other moderate birthday gifts. I only wanted flowers for my last birthday.
Gary (he probably will shoot me for saying this is rounding out his fifties. This year he turns 59).
At 59, you sort of have everything you want. Gary is particularly tough because he TRULY doesn't want anything. I buy all of his clothes...thus giving him an outfit would just seem like an every day occurrence. We buy all of our plants (which he loves) in the Spring because it is already too hot in Dallas to plant anything with hopes that it will live. There is barely room in our house to hold one more object. He doesn't want an e-reader or an IPad because he doesn't like trying to figure out technology (he still has a cellphone that is antiquated).
I thought about a vacation somewhere and kind of mentioned it to him, but he is in the busy season at work and doesn't feel like he can take the time away.
He loves new ties (believe it or not), but hates when I buy them retail because he gets grease, etc. on them from work. He prefers I buy ties on the street when I am in New York (five ties for twenty bucks...can't beat it).
For the last number of years now, Gary and I have given each other moderate birthday gifts. I only wanted flowers for my last birthday.
Gary (he probably will shoot me for saying this is rounding out his fifties. This year he turns 59).
At 59, you sort of have everything you want. Gary is particularly tough because he TRULY doesn't want anything. I buy all of his clothes...thus giving him an outfit would just seem like an every day occurrence. We buy all of our plants (which he loves) in the Spring because it is already too hot in Dallas to plant anything with hopes that it will live. There is barely room in our house to hold one more object. He doesn't want an e-reader or an IPad because he doesn't like trying to figure out technology (he still has a cellphone that is antiquated).
I thought about a vacation somewhere and kind of mentioned it to him, but he is in the busy season at work and doesn't feel like he can take the time away.
He loves new ties (believe it or not), but hates when I buy them retail because he gets grease, etc. on them from work. He prefers I buy ties on the street when I am in New York (five ties for twenty bucks...can't beat it).
I was going to get us a new t.v. for the den, but because we actually need one (our old one is slowly giving up the ghost) it would seem just like a necessary household purchase.
DVD's and books are out. Gary uses me as a filter. He only reads things I recommend and only watches movies that either we both have seen or that I highly praise....and then we just watch Pay Per View.
Gary doesn't like spa treatments.
Sigh...I am at a loss. Do any of my readers have a good idea? I would love some suggestions.
Yours, Bratprince
(P.S. The swing in the picture we are sitting in was a birthday gift to Gary from me two years ago. He loves the look of it, but never sits in it).
(P.P.S. Gary hates this picture...and I must admit...it's not the best of him. Gary is very handsome and charismatic in public, but is one of those people that is not very photogenic. On the other hand, I tend to look better in pictures).
(P.P.S. Gary hates this picture...and I must admit...it's not the best of him. Gary is very handsome and charismatic in public, but is one of those people that is not very photogenic. On the other hand, I tend to look better in pictures).
Bigfoot VIDEO: Legendary Creature On Camera In Spokane, Washington?
A Spokane, Washington woman claims to have accidentally caught Bigfoot on camera while hiking in the woods. You can see the alleged Bigfoot video for yourself, below. As always, the shot is a bit grainy. (From Bratprince: We can catch Britney Spears without underwear in complete clarity and close up....so why can't we actually get a picture of Bigfoot, Lake Monsters or U.F.O.s unless it is barely visable. Can we say HOAX, perhaps? Somebody figure out a way to actually provide decent footage if you want us to believe you)!
Lady Gaga Falls Three Million In Debt
WHAT TO WATCH AGAIN: 'DESPERATELY SEEKING SUSAN'!
Yes, true...Madonna is really just being herself in the movie...but...even after all these years it is still a LOT of fun to watch!
Smooth Criminals: The 25 Most Stylish Law-Breakers in Movie History
The Highest Form of Flattery
Monday, May 30, 2011
THE BLOG HAS HIT A NEW 1,000 VISITOR MILESTONE!! OVER 153,000 PEOPLE HAVE DROPPED BY!
WHAT TO WATCH AGAIN: 'BREAKFAST AT TIFFANYS'
Of note: the author of the novella was completely opposed to Audrey Hepburn in the role...he wanted Marilyn Monroe.
THERE IS VERY LITTLE ON THE WIRES TO POST TODAY...MOST JOUNALISTS AROUND THE COUNTRY ARE TAKING THE DAY OFF!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
TILL DEATH DO US PART, by Bratprince
A reader recently emailed me about my life with Gary. Apparently he has been through a number of partners and can't seem to get it right and always ends up single. He was curious (if almost to disbelief) that Gary and I have lasted almost twenty years. He thought two years would be amazing. Marriage (or domestic partnership) is difficult. It isn't for the faint of heart or the quick to decide. In so many ways, GLBT marriage (remember, I am legally married in California) isn't much different than a heterosexual marriage. You face the ups and downs of life...passion and the lack thereof at times, bills, work, domestic drama, fights and forgiveness. STILL..when two people come together of the same sex, you have a bit more to work out than a straight couple. Remember, you are talking about two MEN or two WOMEN...gay trying to find their own rules when many of them cross over. Gary and I struggled to figure those things out in the beginning and it took us more than a few years to get on and stay on track. Yes, there were even times we talked of splitting up...but that was years and years ago. Thus, I was thinking. If I could give advice to a new couple...what would I say? So...here are my top rules for lasting more than a few dates and building a life together with someone of the same sex.
1. Remember, remember, remember that your partner is ALSO the same sex as you and probably shares many traits. Often our hormones rule us and can cause fights over the simplest of matters. Just because we are GLBT doesn't mean that we don't want to behave like a man or woman in a relationship. Without that knowledge...no relationship will survive.
2. Choose your battles wisely. YES...although I present Gary and I as the perfect couple...we do fight. Not that often anymore, but still we fight. All couples do. Yet in a gay relationship....again you have the man against man or the woman against woman (and we usually fight the same way therefore coming to a dead standstill during a showdown. Nobody ever wins).
3. Find what you do well and what you don't. Discover what your husband/wife/partner does the best. Agree to separate the labor. FOR YEARS I tried to control every single thing regarding our house, our bills and even the yard. FLAT OUT...Gary is better in the yard than I am. He loves his plants, his grass, the trees etc. I don't hate yard work...I really don't...but on his day in the yard I just leave him alone. It gives him time to think. Our yard is lovely and he has done very well. Occasionally I make suggestions...and occasionally he listens...BUT...the yard is Gary's domain and I back down if he doesn't like my ideas.
The house itself is mine to control. The interior design, the flatware, the paintings, the rugs, the color of the walls.....everything is up to me. Gary let go of that long ago knowing how important it was to me. I haven't done poorly..the house has been photographed by design magazines for years....but...if Gary had been all in my business then nothing would ever have gotten done! He recognized that I was more talented in this area and simply moved away from those kind of decisions. All parties and dinners are under my auspices. Frankly, I just know how to throw a better party than Gary. (We still argue a bit about guest lists. He really does know how to invite people I don't want...and becomes insistent...they usually get an invite).
4. FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE! Gary does not mind me saying that he is HIV+. I am not. However, I have Lupus which can be just as scary and sometimes worse. During our life together, Gary has NEVER once been hospitalized. I on the other hand have been in the hospital four or five times...twice on a respirator because Lupus had filled my lungs with fluid and I would have died otherwise. Gary was always right there when I woke up (twice from a coma). He held my hand. He told me it was going to be alright. He loved me when I needed it most. Some people might run when their partners are sick. I've never, EVER wondered if I would end up alone in a hospital room. Gary was always there...with pajamas so I didn't have to wear a hospital gown...books for me to read, etc. In addition...as I have said before...I suffer from a severe form of bipolar disorder. Gary has my medical power of attorney. Twice he insisted that I go for inpatient psychiatric treatment. I never resented that. I just waited for him to come visit. Gary frequently gets migraines and sinus problems. He knows that he can wake me up at any hour to run to the 24 hour store to get him anti-sinus pills etc.
5. Try to become financial equals. In my experience, money is the ultimate destroyer of a relationship. My first partner...many, many years ago could never step up to the plate. He chose lousy jobs and allowed me to pay for everything. I resented that; deeply! I owned the house, the cars, the furniture...on and on. His lack of ambition eventually made me fall out of love. I even remember the day that I decided enough was enough. I wasn't cruel in our separation. He left our home and found an apartment (through a company I was working for). He didn't pay one bill and sold every bit of furniture I had loaned him...including a few family heirlooms. I learned right then and there that I would NEVER partner again with someone that couldn't carry their own weight!!! Supporting someone forever just plain sucks. Gary and I co-own our house...outright..paid off years ago....through an odd twist, I own Gary's Mercedes and he owns my Jaguar. Long story. Gary and I have both lost or changed jobs. Regardless of the burden that places on ANY couple...we have supported each other through it all and NEVER complained. 'Water Seeks Its Own Level"! Remember that. I have a friend that chose two sub-par partners and ended up hurt, lied to and worse yet; manipulated. She has long shed those partners and now is with a woman that IS at her level. They just shared their two year anniversary..I'm so happy for them!
6. SURPRISE your partner. I think this may be one of my most important points. When you reach almost twenty years...everything can become stale and dull if you don't make an effort! Gary has never stopped surprising me and I have done the same. How to even explain? For no reason at all, Gary brings me roses. On my Mother's birthday he brings me daisies (the symbol of my Mother's favorite charity). Every Valentines day (although not much of a surprise) he brings me live rose bushes to plant in my rose garden. For Christmas and my birthday he usually buys a new Imperial Russian treasure for my world famous collection (admittedly...not much of a surprise, because he wants me to check first and make sure he is purchasing a true treasure rather than a fake). He brings me yummy dinners from his restaurant (quite often). He washes my car almost weekly without me asking. He washes and changes my sheets every week (he doesn't think I make a bed very well). He cooks...I cook...we have a great time figuring out our meals when he is off work. I TIVO all of our favorite shows and don't watch them until he is off work...thus I get to watch crappy shows on t.v. waiting for him.
7. LISTEN! Gary isn't a very verbose person. Frankly he doesn't talk that much...a trait he shares with all of his family except my sister-in-law, Jeanne (one of my closest friends...she threw our wedding in San Diego and whenever she is in town I always take her out for a "girls only day..lol". Still, there are times when Gary has something important to say. I shut up...listen...and respond in the most positive way (often it is work related). In addition, Gary sits quietly on the sofa as I sift through the news of the day and gab away. He never complains.
8. Forgive. There is nothing more to say about this. Forgiveness is the key to a healthy relationship......in addition...let go of your resentments. Choose that your partner didn't mean anything unkind and just GET OVER IT!
9. DREAM together. This is something that Gary and I had to learn over time. Gary has his own dreams of the future and I am 100% behind him. I am working to be a successful novelist (I am already a successful writer for magazines). Gary supports my vision...edits my work...and is always my champion. Couples must dream together for a better life....and I love that I have a husband that supports me!
10. Don't move in together until you have dated a year!!!!
11. And finally...REACH OUT...and TALK whenever you can. Because of Gary's very busy job schedule and the fact that he is only with me one or two days a week (he sleeps late daily because he works so late)....I call him at least three or four times a day...and he calls me. Sometimes it is just to say hello...I love you. Sometimes more. Regardless....I will never, ever, ever let him feel that I am not thinking of him always. He is my wonderful, amazing saviour. He is the man I love the most...the person I trust implicitly...and the only man I would have ever married.
To my email friend that asked how it works...I hope this helps. Life with another is a dream come true....but....it takes so much work, honesty, forgiveness and understanding. When we get to that point...we can finally build a relationship that lasts! All the best and thanks for emailing me.
Yours, Bratprince
1. Remember, remember, remember that your partner is ALSO the same sex as you and probably shares many traits. Often our hormones rule us and can cause fights over the simplest of matters. Just because we are GLBT doesn't mean that we don't want to behave like a man or woman in a relationship. Without that knowledge...no relationship will survive.
2. Choose your battles wisely. YES...although I present Gary and I as the perfect couple...we do fight. Not that often anymore, but still we fight. All couples do. Yet in a gay relationship....again you have the man against man or the woman against woman (and we usually fight the same way therefore coming to a dead standstill during a showdown. Nobody ever wins).
3. Find what you do well and what you don't. Discover what your husband/wife/partner does the best. Agree to separate the labor. FOR YEARS I tried to control every single thing regarding our house, our bills and even the yard. FLAT OUT...Gary is better in the yard than I am. He loves his plants, his grass, the trees etc. I don't hate yard work...I really don't...but on his day in the yard I just leave him alone. It gives him time to think. Our yard is lovely and he has done very well. Occasionally I make suggestions...and occasionally he listens...BUT...the yard is Gary's domain and I back down if he doesn't like my ideas.
The house itself is mine to control. The interior design, the flatware, the paintings, the rugs, the color of the walls.....everything is up to me. Gary let go of that long ago knowing how important it was to me. I haven't done poorly..the house has been photographed by design magazines for years....but...if Gary had been all in my business then nothing would ever have gotten done! He recognized that I was more talented in this area and simply moved away from those kind of decisions. All parties and dinners are under my auspices. Frankly, I just know how to throw a better party than Gary. (We still argue a bit about guest lists. He really does know how to invite people I don't want...and becomes insistent...they usually get an invite).
4. FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE! Gary does not mind me saying that he is HIV+. I am not. However, I have Lupus which can be just as scary and sometimes worse. During our life together, Gary has NEVER once been hospitalized. I on the other hand have been in the hospital four or five times...twice on a respirator because Lupus had filled my lungs with fluid and I would have died otherwise. Gary was always right there when I woke up (twice from a coma). He held my hand. He told me it was going to be alright. He loved me when I needed it most. Some people might run when their partners are sick. I've never, EVER wondered if I would end up alone in a hospital room. Gary was always there...with pajamas so I didn't have to wear a hospital gown...books for me to read, etc. In addition...as I have said before...I suffer from a severe form of bipolar disorder. Gary has my medical power of attorney. Twice he insisted that I go for inpatient psychiatric treatment. I never resented that. I just waited for him to come visit. Gary frequently gets migraines and sinus problems. He knows that he can wake me up at any hour to run to the 24 hour store to get him anti-sinus pills etc.
5. Try to become financial equals. In my experience, money is the ultimate destroyer of a relationship. My first partner...many, many years ago could never step up to the plate. He chose lousy jobs and allowed me to pay for everything. I resented that; deeply! I owned the house, the cars, the furniture...on and on. His lack of ambition eventually made me fall out of love. I even remember the day that I decided enough was enough. I wasn't cruel in our separation. He left our home and found an apartment (through a company I was working for). He didn't pay one bill and sold every bit of furniture I had loaned him...including a few family heirlooms. I learned right then and there that I would NEVER partner again with someone that couldn't carry their own weight!!! Supporting someone forever just plain sucks. Gary and I co-own our house...outright..paid off years ago....through an odd twist, I own Gary's Mercedes and he owns my Jaguar. Long story. Gary and I have both lost or changed jobs. Regardless of the burden that places on ANY couple...we have supported each other through it all and NEVER complained. 'Water Seeks Its Own Level"! Remember that. I have a friend that chose two sub-par partners and ended up hurt, lied to and worse yet; manipulated. She has long shed those partners and now is with a woman that IS at her level. They just shared their two year anniversary..I'm so happy for them!
6. SURPRISE your partner. I think this may be one of my most important points. When you reach almost twenty years...everything can become stale and dull if you don't make an effort! Gary has never stopped surprising me and I have done the same. How to even explain? For no reason at all, Gary brings me roses. On my Mother's birthday he brings me daisies (the symbol of my Mother's favorite charity). Every Valentines day (although not much of a surprise) he brings me live rose bushes to plant in my rose garden. For Christmas and my birthday he usually buys a new Imperial Russian treasure for my world famous collection (admittedly...not much of a surprise, because he wants me to check first and make sure he is purchasing a true treasure rather than a fake). He brings me yummy dinners from his restaurant (quite often). He washes my car almost weekly without me asking. He washes and changes my sheets every week (he doesn't think I make a bed very well). He cooks...I cook...we have a great time figuring out our meals when he is off work. I TIVO all of our favorite shows and don't watch them until he is off work...thus I get to watch crappy shows on t.v. waiting for him.
7. LISTEN! Gary isn't a very verbose person. Frankly he doesn't talk that much...a trait he shares with all of his family except my sister-in-law, Jeanne (one of my closest friends...she threw our wedding in San Diego and whenever she is in town I always take her out for a "girls only day..lol". Still, there are times when Gary has something important to say. I shut up...listen...and respond in the most positive way (often it is work related). In addition, Gary sits quietly on the sofa as I sift through the news of the day and gab away. He never complains.
8. Forgive. There is nothing more to say about this. Forgiveness is the key to a healthy relationship......in addition...let go of your resentments. Choose that your partner didn't mean anything unkind and just GET OVER IT!
9. DREAM together. This is something that Gary and I had to learn over time. Gary has his own dreams of the future and I am 100% behind him. I am working to be a successful novelist (I am already a successful writer for magazines). Gary supports my vision...edits my work...and is always my champion. Couples must dream together for a better life....and I love that I have a husband that supports me!
10. Don't move in together until you have dated a year!!!!
11. And finally...REACH OUT...and TALK whenever you can. Because of Gary's very busy job schedule and the fact that he is only with me one or two days a week (he sleeps late daily because he works so late)....I call him at least three or four times a day...and he calls me. Sometimes it is just to say hello...I love you. Sometimes more. Regardless....I will never, ever, ever let him feel that I am not thinking of him always. He is my wonderful, amazing saviour. He is the man I love the most...the person I trust implicitly...and the only man I would have ever married.
To my email friend that asked how it works...I hope this helps. Life with another is a dream come true....but....it takes so much work, honesty, forgiveness and understanding. When we get to that point...we can finally build a relationship that lasts! All the best and thanks for emailing me.
Moby says Ke$sha and Britney Spears Songs Shouldn't Be Called Music
Star The Miracle Dog, Shot 40 Times And Buried Alive, Survives
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)